That Funny Feeling
I have been having problems with my tummy for...years now. Off and on, my stomach will just start to bother me. I never know if it's the food that I'm eating, or if my stress levels are up, or if it's some combination of both, or neither. It can get very frustrating, at times. Being unable to sleep because I feel so sick to my stomach, or finding it difficult to have an appetite for anything, when I know it'll just make me feel bad.
But I don't always feel that way, and that is my consolation. There are periods of time, sometimes weeks, where my stomach does not bother me at all. I can eat and drink what I want, because nothing bothers me. I don't even need to keep the Tums stocked or make sure that I still have at least one more dose of Pepto-Bismol.
The past month has not been one of those months, however. Heck, since January, more often than not, some trigger has caused me to feel decidedly sick to my stomach. It's gotten worse in the past week. I have found it difficult to sleep these last few nights because, it doesn't matter what I ate or when, I feel utterly sick to my stomach when I lay down. I passed it off as stress, because my stress levels have been unusually high these past couple of weeks. Papers and articles and reading and tying up of classwork has been keeping me busy. My procrastination tendencies have made sure that my stress level is not wanting.
But my last paper has been sent off...all that now stands between me and graduation is a single, short, oral presentation, and four finals. Once the 9th breezes past me, I will be left with 4 days of anxious waiting and praying...hoping that I didn't manage to royally screw up my chances of graduation.
It's almost over, you see. Graduation is merely 14 days away. Whether my name is called and I crossed that stage at 7pm on the 13th of May is all that is left to be decided....but I do believe that, finally, my time has come.
So what is this funny feeling in my stomach now? Is it still stress? Yes. No doubt about it. I am still worried about my finals, especially for one class in specific. But I'll find a way to get through that. I have faith and hope that yes, I will be crossing that stage a graduate of UHCL in two weeks. But there's something else to this feeling...
I'm anxious...and, yes, for the first time, I can honestly say that I'm excited. I can't sleep because I have a million things running through my mind. I am restless, and that shows in my insomnia and this funny feeling that keeps fluttering in my stomach.
I'm excited. And it makes me smile. Despite everything else I'm feeling...no matter the worry and the fear and the stress and the anxiousness...part of it is excitement.
And that's enough to keep me moving.
Anticipation, that funny feeling inside.
But I don't always feel that way, and that is my consolation. There are periods of time, sometimes weeks, where my stomach does not bother me at all. I can eat and drink what I want, because nothing bothers me. I don't even need to keep the Tums stocked or make sure that I still have at least one more dose of Pepto-Bismol.
The past month has not been one of those months, however. Heck, since January, more often than not, some trigger has caused me to feel decidedly sick to my stomach. It's gotten worse in the past week. I have found it difficult to sleep these last few nights because, it doesn't matter what I ate or when, I feel utterly sick to my stomach when I lay down. I passed it off as stress, because my stress levels have been unusually high these past couple of weeks. Papers and articles and reading and tying up of classwork has been keeping me busy. My procrastination tendencies have made sure that my stress level is not wanting.
But my last paper has been sent off...all that now stands between me and graduation is a single, short, oral presentation, and four finals. Once the 9th breezes past me, I will be left with 4 days of anxious waiting and praying...hoping that I didn't manage to royally screw up my chances of graduation.
It's almost over, you see. Graduation is merely 14 days away. Whether my name is called and I crossed that stage at 7pm on the 13th of May is all that is left to be decided....but I do believe that, finally, my time has come.
So what is this funny feeling in my stomach now? Is it still stress? Yes. No doubt about it. I am still worried about my finals, especially for one class in specific. But I'll find a way to get through that. I have faith and hope that yes, I will be crossing that stage a graduate of UHCL in two weeks. But there's something else to this feeling...
I'm anxious...and, yes, for the first time, I can honestly say that I'm excited. I can't sleep because I have a million things running through my mind. I am restless, and that shows in my insomnia and this funny feeling that keeps fluttering in my stomach.
I'm excited. And it makes me smile. Despite everything else I'm feeling...no matter the worry and the fear and the stress and the anxiousness...part of it is excitement.
And that's enough to keep me moving.
Anticipation, that funny feeling inside.
posted by Julsey at 5:09 AM
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